Here's the thing.
I want to change everything. I want to be authentic, inspiring, inspired, driven.
I want to bring more beauty into the world and acknowledge more of the beauty that is here, there, everywhere, but hiding or shy.
I want to make money doing what I love and I want to be unburdened by debt. I want to know that I can support myself, and I mean really support myself; not just get by and not depend on anyone else financially again. I want to be okay with the fact that that won't happen overnight.
I want freedom freedom freedom. Freedom is the anthem, the chant, the answer always in my head. And the word doesn't do it justice. It is so much more.
And I want to remember that it is both a goal and immediately accessible in every moment. And you can only give it to yourself.
I want to seek out everything I want unapologetically. I want to remember to acknowledge and appreciate those who are supportive and to be able to detach from negative or fearful opinions with curiousity, empathy, and compassion.
I want to consistently notice the difference between freedom and escape and to be able to acknowledge when and why I'm engaging in the latter and thereby change the situation.
I want safety and security, but not a numbing anesthetic disguised as comfort and contentment. I have more to give, more to experience, more to share.
I want to remember that I already have the tools I need and the people that can help when I don't know what is next. To remember that I already have the wisdom and courage to act, there's no need to wait for it to arrive or to be bestowed. To remember that no step is too small. And to remember it again and again when I forget.
So, actually, upon reflection, I don't want to change everything. There's a lot that is worth keeping, that supports me, that is me. And at the same time, I want to live more fully, remarkably, lovingly, and honestly. And that means editing and change; and curiously but non-judgmentally looking in the mirror. The same process of going through my physical belongings, but internally and more gently and more often.
Today I'm dreaming the person I'm becoming, the gifts I have to give, the plans to get me there, the people and things with which I wish to fill my life. I am scared too, scared of failure, scared of success, but hopeful and excited and ready.
*(Or is this step one million? After all, I was already walking the path that got me here, and here is not a bad place to be...)